I am a black mixed race (bi-racial) professional British woman, living in London. Although I was not born in the UK, I have been here from an early age, when I came to go to boarding school – one of, if not the top private girls’ schools in the UK. I have what most would consider a relatively privileged background, and I hold a string of university degrees. So why do I write in the genre of race play erotica? First, I don’t think an interest in transgressive sexual activity belongs to any class, gender or ethnicity. But you do need an adventurous and a curious mind to imagine some of the scenarios, and even more so to actually practice them. Most certainly my friends and family would find this aspect of me difficult to understand. But in essence, I am pretty fearless. But best keep this part of me separate.
RACE PLAY BDSM
I think my interest in BDSM started sometime in the early ‘90s when I was in my twenties. I’ve tried to recall how, or what sparked this interest, perhaps it was always there in the background. In the days before the Internet, I came across magazines and books which described a variety of scenarios and intensity levels within the BDSM spectrum. I was surprised to discover that I became aroused by what seemed a strange form of sexual activity for a woman who considered herself to be liberal and sophisticated, an Alpha personality type, feminist in orientation and intellect. Yet I always identified with the submissive woman in my reading, and longed to have some real-time experience, rather than merely using the images and stories to enhance masturbation. In a relatively short time, I realized that the more humiliation and depravity there was for the submissive female in the material I read, the greater was my arousal. I read everything – both fiction and some of the major tomes on the thought-processes and psychology of those attracted to BDSM.
After all, it’s an odd thing to get turned on by someone inflicting pain, tying you up and being subjected to extreme humiliation – the nastier the better. Surely this was not what a successful business-owner and academic, who was also an advocate for equality should find pleasurable, or was it? I started writing erotica with a BDSM theme, but decided I had to try it out in real life. In those days before Internet dating, special interest groups and sites, it wasn’t as easy as it is now.
Eventually I found a Dom, who became my first Master. He was decades older than me, very experienced, intelligent and understood all the nuances and apparent contradictions for someone like me, with a powerful drive for sexual submission, and all the conflicts that posed. It was against everything I’d been brought up to believe in. He taught me so much, and introduced me to many transgressive ideas, within the context of knowing I was safe, and un-judged. He encouraged me to write about my fantasies, create stories, without feeling any shame.
At this stage of my development, race play didn’t feature in my fantasies, although I think he saw the shadow of this really taboo area lurking beneath the surface of my sexual being. But he didn’t pursue it, and neither did I. Eventually I left him because I became scared of what I was capable of. I had a glimpse into the darkness within and decided to leave it behind. I think I was too young and inexperienced to handle the real me.
THE INTERNET & RACE PLAY
Then came the Internet, which opened a new range of possibilities, images, stories and groups. I eventually started writing BDSM stories for a variety of sites around 2004. I also read much more intense and taboo material. I discovered a whole world of other women who seriously got off on a mix of masochism, exhibitionism and humiliation. My writing got bolder. The feedback even more positive. I stumbled across the writing of a dominant male in the US who wrote stories and online books that always featured race play. He had quite a following, and I always looked forward to reading the next installment of whatever work he was writing.
We had many cyber chats, and I also ‘spoke’ online with his black submissive, and through her I discovered so many other black women around the world who loved getting off on intense race play, involving humiliation and degradation of the greatest order. The words and actions we would never accept in everyday life, in the right environment became the most intense and an almost visceral turn-on. From that period, my most potent fantasies always involved extreme humiliation, racial insults and being used – by one or many – as dictated by my white Master. I joined many online groups dedicated to strong race play. I also wrote many stories for the groups – and still do. I’m constantly in touch with other black submissive women to get a feel for some of their fantasies, and actual play activities. Some want to, or do live this life full time. Others when they can, whilst some have yet to take the step from online to real life.
Then there are the white men involved in these seemingly offensive relationships. I wanted to discover what the triggers are for them. It is certainly not racism – at least not with those I have been in touch with. Most that I know are liberal in their everyday lives and political views. Many have relatively high power jobs, some with a significant public profile, whilst others are more low key. The thing that unites us all is a need to push the boundaries, explore some of the frontiers of taboo, play with some nasty and sexy ideas, expose eroticism in its most naked truth. Not all my work involves race play, but in this genre it is always at the extreme of nasty hardcore porn.
One of the issues I love to explore in my writing is the internal conflicts within the mind of the submissive black woman who craves humiliation. I want to take the reader on the journey she makes into degradation – fully consensual, however she may configure it differently in part of her thinking. Eventually she will accept and seek even further acts and words of depravity – including bestiality, group use, where all holes are available. She also thrives on orgasm control, forced and observed masturbation, exhibitionism on webcam and in real life in public places. My heroines also enjoy a degree of pain and restraint. They almost all get off on heavy breast and nipple torture and can cum from this alone at times. The other theme linked to the breast play is induced lactation for the pleasure of her Master(s) who may make her a milk cow, kneeling in the milking pen, swollen udders and extended teats dripping, whilst she may have her arse filled.
Don’t let any of this make you think that my writing has no emotional content, or character development. What I call “position porn” does nothing for me. There needs to be emotional connections and content – however explicit and raw the sex might be. I don’t get off on, nor enjoy writing stories which are really a string of body parts involved in complex gymnastics and positions. I get distracted, by this style of writing and find myself trying to work out what goes where, is it even possible… I think you know the kind of writing I’m talking about. For me I think what is really arousing as a reader is to feel you are in the head of the characters. You feel what they do – the pleasure, pain, humiliation, love and the needs. In every genre that I write in, I write what I like to read. Simple.